


villains that live in my head.

by xenia_che



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Coping mechanism, Established Relationship, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Happy Ending, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Light Bondage, M/M, Malec Secret Santa 2019, Monsters in the dark, Temporary Blindness, Top Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:34:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21953026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenia_che/pseuds/xenia_che
Summary: Alec gets hurt during a mission and doesn't cope well with the consequences. Magnus, being the amazing boyfriend that he is, might have an idea how to distract Alexander. It's not perfect and it won't necessarily kill all Alec's monsters, but it will help him keep them at bay long enough to get some rest.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 12
Kudos: 213





	villains that live in my head.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aria_Lerendeair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/gifts).



> To magnificent Aria Lerendeair, who wanted hurt/comfort, smut and fluff. Well, I'm not really sure about fluff, but I really tried to put as much hurt/comfort and smut as I could stuff into the challenge word limit :)
> 
> Dear Aria, I admire your stories and writing style, and I was very happy to be your secret Santa and be able to write a gift for you. I really hope you like it :) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

When Alec regains consciousness, the first thing he hears is music. It’s faint and far away, but catchy in its suspenseful repetitiveness. Probably, Motzart. Alec isn’t particularly big on piano but he knows the classics. Kind of.

He winces when the note reaches too high, and the next thing he knows someone grabs his hand, digging their nails into the tender skin of his palm. Alec doesn’t have to open his eyes to recognise Izzy.

“Alec—,” she chokes out, her voice hoarse like sandpaper or straps on a new training stuff. “You’re awake!”

And somehow she is still too loud.

Alec flinches instinctively, and Izzy’s hold on his hand tightens. He will definitely have bloody imprints for a couple of days at least.

“Don’t you dare to scare me like that again!” 

Suddenly there is Jace with hysteria in his voice, and the next moment Alec is hit with such a strong wave of _not his_ fear and anxiety that it makes his solar plexus ache. The dull beeping of the monitors on his left spikes up, and Alec takes a deep breath to calm himself and his heart rate back to normal.

He is in the infirmary, that’s all. Izzy and Jace are by his side. A mission has apparently gone wrong, and now he is stuck in bed with his siblings being their usual dramatic selves. Nothing out of the ordinary.

“Alexander,” another voice chimes in and there is no pain too great or fuzziness too thick for Alec not to feel the usual wave of excitement from being in the same room with Magnus. “Can you hear me, love?”

Alec can’t take another second of not seeing Magnus (it suddenly feels like he hasn’t seen him for _days_ ), so Alec does the only logical thing in that moment – he opens his eyes.

There is nothing around him but blinding _blackness_.

The hysterical beeping of monitors can’t drown out Jace’s pained sob when everything Alec is feeling at that moment hits him in return.

* * *

Every child is afraid of the darkness, nephilim or not. The only difference is that Shadowhunters are taught not to show their fear and to laugh at others who do. Well, and the bone-deep knowledge, that all those monsters lurking in the shadows, are _real_.

So it’s no surprise that Alec doesn’t cope well with his new-found blindness. Or _at all_ , for that matter.

He knows, of course he _knows_ that it’s _temporary_. That it’s a spell gone wrong, seelie knight trying to help them deal with a demon and instead making it worse. It will _go away_ , rather soon actually. _Just a couple more days, Alec, it’s no big deal_ , as Jace keeps saying, and Alec doesn’t know who he is trying to convince. Everyone, apparently.

It’s not the inability to _see_ that makes Alec’s heart beat so frantically that his chest aches. His other senses are on full alert and really, he’s been trained for _years_ to fight in the dark just like other Shadowhunters have been. And Alec grew up in the Institute so he doesn’t need his eyesight to find the way from his office to the Ops Room or to the mess hall. He doesn’t even bump into other people, not even once, because their steps are too heavy and their breathes are too loud for him to miss them (and Alec takes a mental note to do something about how obvious his Shadowhunters are, really, they need a new training programme as soon as Alec can get back to his duties properly.)

All in all, Alec is _fine_ with inability to see. He is _not fine_ with the blackness.

Whenever Alec opens his eyes (and he does that all the time because it’s a habit too old for him to even try to control), the blackness surrounding him _comes to life._ It’s like he’s stepped into a dark alley, and he can’t _see_ the silhouettes of monsters but he immediately knows that they’re _there_. Those monsters are moving and lurking and crawling and _breathing,_ and Alec _knows_ them, _feels_ them, all his instincts kicking in and his systems going into overdrive.

During the day it’s okay, it’s manageable, because Alec has the Institute to run, people to command and siblings to avoid. But at night, at night every second turns into a _nightmare_ he can’t ever wake up from, with his bedroom being _too big_ and the Institute being _too quiet_ and monsters, monsters being _too real_ (and yes, Alec shouldn’t have refused to stay with Magus in the loft, but Alec is too stubborn for his own good, and anyways, he wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt his boyfriend if the blackness got _too much_ for him to bear). 

So his nights are dreadful, Alec lying awake always a second before jumping into a fight with another demon that is getting _too close_ , and it doesn’t stop, _it doesn’t ever stop_. And it’s driving Alec _insane_. 

No wonder that after three nights like that (and days), Alec is on the verge of collapsing right in the middle of the mess hall, and no stamina rune can change that.

“Okay, big brother, I think it’s time to call in reinforcement,” mutters Izzy, grabbing Alec by the elbow when he stumbles on the level ground and drops the tray with his breakfast, the sound of utensils and plates colliding with the stone floor too loud for Alec not to flinch.

“I’m _fine_ ,” he insists, but even to his own ears his voice sounds too tired and raw. He can’t let Izzy see him like this, _hear_ him like this, but since in the last three days Alec’s barely got any sleep, he can hardly control his responses.

“You’re not fine and I’m a bit offended that you’re trying to convince me otherwise,” Izzy huffs, tightening her grip on his elbow, and pulling him out of the mess hall. 

She is saying something else, something about him acting like a child and being an overprotective idiot (which he is not), and him pretending to be tough and not letting others to take care of him for a change (again, he is _fine)_. It takes Alec too much effort to concentrate on Izzy’s words, and she’s pulling too hard, so he gets a bit lost on their way and is surprised when he is suddenly hit with the dusty smell of his own office. 

“You need to be with Magnus,” states Izzy, finally letting Alec go and, judging by the sound, closing the door behind them. “The Institute won’t fall apart if you take a couple days off, Alec.” She comes back and throws her arms around his waist, hugging him gently. “You, on the other hand, might.”

“I also might hurt him, Iz,” frowns Alec, returning the embrace and burying his face in her hair. Izzy smells like freshly cut grass and weapon oil, and blood. She smells like _family_ and for a moment Alec feels his monsters recoiling, crawling back into shadows. 

The moment doesn’t last. There is a faint sound of voices behind the door, and Alec moves instinctively raising his head, and the blackness blankets him again, all the monsters hissing, and wheezing, and creeping, and spreading right behind his back where he can’t _see_ them, can’t _get_ them and _stop_ them once and for all.

“Magnus can take care of himself,” says Izzy nonchalantly, oblivious to the madness around him, and it takes all of Alec’s resolve not to give away the dread that is flooding him right now.

“Right,” Alec nods absently and is almost grateful when Izzy lets him go taking a step back. Grateful and terrified. And then her words catch up with him. “Wait, no. I don’t—”

There is a sound of a portal opening and the next moment instead of fear all of Alec’s senses are flooded with the smell of sandalwood, and it calms him so instantly, so abruptly, that Alec’s knees buckle from relief.

“Alexander.”

Magnus’ hands wrap around Alec’s waist, and unlike with Izzy, he doesn’t feel the need to be the one holding them both up. Alec leans closer to Magnus, hides his face in the crook of his neck.

“How are you feeling, angel?” murmurs Magnus, his breath pleasingly hot on Alec’s cheek.

“I’m—,”

“ _Not_ fine,” interrupts Izzy, her voice stern like her whip. “He needs help, Magnus.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” Alec feels Magnus nodding and can picture the mix of mischief and confidence on his face. His face, that Alec hasn’t seen _forever_. 

“Well then, he is all yours.” The smile is evident in Izzy’s voice, and Alec could swear that he hears her actually winking at them, but then Magnus moves his hand creating another portal, and Alec can’t really concentrate on anything else but the weight of Magnus’ arm on his waist or the calm quietness of Magnus’ loft.

“When was the last time you slept, love?” asks Magnus, when they’re finally alone, and Alec tenses at his question.

“I—,” he pauses, not sure how to finish this sentence. He doesn’t want to lie to Magnus. He isn’t ready to tell the truth. “I don’t know.”

Alec expects more questions, a worried rant, maybe, a reprimand. What he doesn’t expect but gets anyway is a tender kiss on the cheek and a quiet question, “Do you trust me, Alexander?”

“Of course.” The answer as easy as breathing.

“Then I have an idea.”

Alec had a dream once that began just like that.

* * *

Everything is still drowned in blackness. Alec is lying on Magnus’ bed, the silk sheets magically cool underneath his naked body. His hands are tied firmly above his head, the bonds are rough against the tender skin of his wrists and it’s distracting in a very unexplainable way. Alec draws in a shaky breath and tries to keep his eyes open. It’s a challenge.

Everything _is_ still drowned in blackness. And Alec’s eyes _are_ open and unseeing. His other senses on high alert. But there are no monsters crawling around him. Or there are, but Alec really doesn’t give a damn.

Magnus runs his tongue over Alec’s nipple, teasing, and then does it again, slower this time, and Alec can barely breath. Magnus is burning hot against his skin – his hands on Alec’s hips in iron grip (Alec will have bruises there for _days_ to come), his lips on Alec’s chest, his neck, his abs. It’s all too much, every sensation heightened to extreme since Alec can’t be distracted by the sight of Magnus hovering over him. 

It’s a torture. 

Alec doesn’t ever want it to stop.

Magnus moves lower, too careful not to touch Alec’s achingly hard cock, his branding lips now just above Alec’s navel.

“Magnus, please!” whimpers Alec, too far gone to care how needy he sounds right now. 

He takes another shuddering breath and tugs on his bonds, moaning when the feeling of rough texture combines with a sweet, almost playful bite Magnus places on his hip bone. 

“Hush, angel.” Alec feels Magnus’ smile against his skin. And then there is another bite, this time harder, sharper, and Alec moans again, his back arching in a desperate attempt to follow Magnus mouth, but Magnus just chuckles and tightents his hold on Alec’s hip. 

“So impatient, Alexander, I’m surprised. I thought you wanted to be distracted for as long as possible.” Magnus’ voice is light and flirtatious, but Alec hears raw hunger hidden beneath his playful words. Oh, Alec can hear so much more now.

“Please—,” Alec tries again, too stubborn as usual, and chokes on the word, because Magnus chooses that exact moment to brush two slick fingers against Alec’s exposed hole.

Magnus lickes a long stripe across Alec’s abs and at the same time sinks the first finger into Alec’s body. It’s a simple sensation, the one Alec should’ve gotten used to by now, but the hasn’t. It is too much and not enough, it’s intimate and obscene, and Alec definitely needs _more_.

“My inpatient angel,” murmurs Magnus, his breath teasing against the head of Alec’s neglected cock, and Alec can’t help but try to lean closer. He whimpers almost painfully when Magnus moves away with another chuckle. “You’re impossible, Alexander.”

There is a melting fondness in his voice, and Alec smiles weakly, but then Magnus adds the second finger and almost immediately, the third, and Alec can’t really think anymore, _at all_. He just feels and burns, and groans, and moves his hips shallowly, trying to take Magnus’ fingers deeper. 

This sweetest torture goes on and on and on for what seems like hours, Alec getting lost in pleasure, in long drags against his prostate, in dirty fantasies mixed with gentle praises that Magnus is whispering in his ear, in Magus’ regged breathes on his neck, in the blackness that now feels like a tease. And when Alec _is_ finally lost, Magnus changes his finger to his cock, finally, _finally_ sinking into Alec, stretching him even wider and oh so sweeter. 

“You’re amazing, Alexander,” whispers Magnus, moving torturously slow, yet Alec can actually feel his resolve crumbling with every move. “My perfect angle. So brave, so strong. So _tight_ for me.”

“Magnus!” Alec arches up, meeting Magnus’ thrusts, and bites his lower lip, reaping a deep groan from Magnus’ chest.

That’s enough for Magnus to finally snap, his thrusts turning frantic, and in a few moments Alec feels himself coming, an orgasm so intense he almost blacks out.

When he comes to his senses, Magnus is rolling down next to him, his breath still regged, and places a long, sweet kiss on Alec’s lips.

“Was that enough to tire you, my love?” chuckles Magnus, nuzzling into Alec’s neck, and _by the Angel_ , Alec misses his cat eyes. 

“More than enough,” breathes out Alec and moves to wrap his arms around Magnus, surprised for a moment when there are no bonds holding them anymore. “That was amazing. You are amazing.”

“Happy to serve,” huffs Magnus, but there is a smile in his voice and Alec can’t help but kiss him again.

When Alec is finally lying under the covers, Magnus’ hand around his waist and Magnus’ steady breath on his nape, he suddenly realizes that the blackness doesn’t scare him anymore. It doesn’t feel like a dark alley filled with swarming monsters. It’s warm and calm, and smells like sandalwood, and sex. It feels like _home_ where somebody has just turned off the lights. 

Alec lets out a long sigh of relief, takes Magnus’ hand, intertwining their fingers, reajusts his pillow a little. 

And at last, he sleeps.


End file.
